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live free or die hard

Gabriel: On your tombstone, it will say ‘Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.’

McClane: How about ‘Yippee-ki-yay, motherf–’

Yeah. He doesn’t really say it. Thought I’d get that out of the way right up front. There’s a good reason that he doesn’t say it — in fact, it’s kind of an Eastwood moment, maybe even a Rambo kind of moment — and so it’s not as off-putting as you might otherwise have imagined it would be. Still: this is John McClane. Who is John McClane without his catchphrase?

Well, turns out he’s still John McClane, or what you’d imagine McClane might feasibly have become by now. Much has changed in the fourth Die Hard movie, and much has changed since the third. The years have made Bruce Willis into a very familiar face — iconic, you could say. Even with his terrific odd jobs here and there as a scene-stealing character actor, he’s still Bruce Willis&rtrade;. All rights reserved, and all that. So maybe what you’re seeing here is less McClane, and more Willis. Or maybe it always was.

What’s missing is: the hair, of course. This is the first time we’ve seen a bald McClane. There’s a minor visual disconnect there. But what also is missing is: that stubborn smirk. You know the one I’m talking about. For years Bruce Willis has always appeared onscreen with a smile at all the wrong moments, like he can’t stop laughing inside at the idea that this is actually his life, that all of these people laid down their money to watch him pretend to blow shit up.

But what’s still there is that slanted sense of humor that comes across in every last one of his fuck-you-bad-guy moments. And while Live Free or Die Hard doesn’t even come close to delivering a memorable villain, it gives us plenty of memorable interactions, at least on the McClane side. McClane blows up a helicopter, and there’s no catchphrase, just a satisfied, slightly amused grunt. He survives a ridiculous stunt involving an F-35 jet, a big rig, a collapsing freeway overpass and plenty of rebar, and his reaction is an aw-shucks, can-you-believe-it sigh of surprise. He knocks a dude into what is essentially a giant blender, and cries, in a passable little girl voice, “Oh nooooo…”

And if that wasn’t enough to bring the old McClane out in Willis, then probably all the scenes of him getting smacked around, strangled, shot with guns, shot with air-to-ground missiles, falling from extreme heights, ricocheting off of blunt objects, ejecting from speeding cars, all of which leave him looking like he’s been skinned and tossed on a grill, will.

What I’m getting at is: this movie’s a real kick. Don’t analyze it too much. Just let it bring back all those happy memories of 1988, and you’ll have a fine time.

But in case you want more, here’s what doesn’t work:

Len Wiseman. The Die Hard sequels have all suffered from miscast directors. The original movie was John McTiernan’s greatest accomplishment, and an impossible act for Renny Harlin to follow. Hell, McTiernan himself couldn’t even duplicate it; the third film makes that very clear. But McTiernan and Harlin both were products of a certain era of action movie, and for all of their flaws, they did more to make McClane larger-than-life than Wiseman does here. Bruce Willis is carrying this entire movie; without him, it’s just a souped-up Hackers. And any time Wiseman wants to stop using that blue lens filter is fine by me.

The rest of the cast is a mixed bag. I don’t have much of a problem with Justin Long or Mary Elizabeth Winstead; they’re serviceable, but nothing special. The good guy support is weak — Cliff Curtis, who isn’t entirely without talent, could have been replaced by a marshmallow and I don’t think anybody would’ve noticed.

The evil henchmen are forgettable, particularly Maggie Q, who I gather is supposed to be some kind of badass, but who doesn’t quite deserve the label. And apparently all action movies have to have some sort of monkey-villain these days — Casino Royale opened with a spectacular foot chase, sort of a Cirque du Soleil on crack, and here’s Die Hard following in its steps with a completely uninteresting bad guy who likes to flip around and dodge bullets and such. There’s no reason given for the man’s acrobatics; he just suddenly ditches his Token Sniper role and starts behaving like Spiderman. There’s a bit of payoff, though, during his one-on-one with McClane, who empties a clip trying to shoot him, and frustratedly shouts, “Stop running, you damn hamster!”

But the most glaring weakness is, as with all of the sequels, the villain himself. Alan Rickman set the standard for modern action-movie villainry in the original Die Hard, and every actor cast opposite McClane since has paid the price. Timothy Olyphant’s performance is a little flat. It lacks menace, or at least a convincing passion. Olyphant’s definitely capable — his work in Deadwood walks that very narrow line between composed and angry — but he’s not doing much with it here.

Oh, and there’s a story, but it’s fairly useless, too.

As much as it sounds like I’m writing this movie off, I’m really not. It’s about as good as the ’80s nostalgia is going to get, trust me. Transformers is going to be the last bit of guilty pleasure you get out of these flashback movies. John Rambo is waiting in the wings, bloated and bloodier than necessary, to put an end to all of this. I actually can’t wait for that movie to bomb; maybe that’ll free up some screens for something, you know, new.

  1. g. wrote:

    “Gabriel: On your tombstone, it will say ‘Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.’

    McClane: How about ‘Yippee-ki-yay, motherf–’”

    Haha.
    Only two lines to decide to see a movie… or not.
    g.

  2. Michaelangelo wrote:

    Bloody is right, I assume you saw the “trailer” from AICN a bit back judging from that word choice. Brutal.

    “Detective, covering the camera doesn’t turn off the microphone.”

  3. Jg wrote:

    That trailer’s exactly what I was referring to. Rambo’s always been violent, sure, but he’s never really torn heads off, or eviscerated his opponents. Not really feeling this one.

  4. MikeyPoo wrote:

    Yeah, and the insane shooting of the driver guy from the back seat TWO feet away.

    I loved Rocky and First Blood when I was growing up and was happy to hear that the franchises were coming back for one last film. Rocky worked, I too am not feeling that this one will though. It’s like they feel they have to overcompensate for the people that are laughing about his age.

  5. buy mini sd card wrote:

    Yet another dreadful summer sequel So far this summer, I have seen Evan Almighty, Spiderman 3, Fantastic 4:2 and Harry Potter, all have been awful. I am going to stop going to the cinema and just watch DVD’s from now on.

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