Here is one way that you know you have chosen the right girl to spend your life with.

You talk about the wedding, that particular event which is born in the moment you put the ring on her finger, and along with all of the expected first discussions — when? where? how many? — you talk about who will perform the wedding, neither of you being particularly religious anymore. And that’s an easy decision to make: nobody religious will perform the wedding, and you both agree, and you move on to finer points.

And at some point the subject of readings come up. Do we want someone to read something? At so many weddings you’ve both attended, the reading is — well, religious in nature. Or it’s a poem, which we’ll avoid, thank you very much. So you ponder this, both of you, and nothing springs to mind, and then the lovely woman next to you says, I’ve got it.

She says, The Annie Druyan interview.

And you know right then that you’ve chosen the right girl to spend your life with.

Because what she is talking about is not only a sweet moment in an interview between a science journalist and the widow of Carl Sagan. It is that, yes, but it is also perhaps one of the most honest and sincerely romantic things you have heard in your life. And you’re a rather jaded person when it comes to these sorts of things — when it comes to obviously romantic things, that is; you’re kind of a sap when it comes to things that bob and weave and then thump you right in the heart.

I’ve written about the interview in question before. In it, the Radiolab writers talk with Druyan about her part in the historic Voyager Interstellar Record Project, in which Druyan, along with Sagan and others, gathered important cultural artifacts from around the world to be shipped into deep space aboard the Voyager probe. The project itself is a romantic one, to be sure: that we might say hello, in any number of languages, through a catalog of our species’ music, to any intelligent extra-terrestrials who might happen across our Voyager probe many, many years from now.

What emerges from the interview is a romantic tale of another sort altogether. Sagan and Druyan fell in love during their collaboration on this project — and one must imagine that it wouldn’t be so hard to fall in love during such an ambitious, creative, heartfelt endeavor — and then spent the next twenty years together, until Sagan’s death in 1996.

It seems a little strange that someone might want to quote Druyan at their wedding, I suppose, but if you know me and if you know Felicia, then you might understand why this passage appeals so much to us. It speaks of love in a way that avoids romanticizing the concept, that leaves fate and divine intervention out of the equation, and instead expresses profound gratitude at such fortune.

When my husband died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl.

But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous –not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance … That pure chance could be so generous and so kind … That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time … That we could be together for twenty years.

That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful … The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.

Call me a sap if you must. But I’ll take sentiments like this one over another New Testament rendition any day. And what I love most? So will Felicia.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009   

1. dk wrote:
   September 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am

   Doesn’t seem strange to me at all. I have never understood the argument that a lack of belief in an “afterlife”, (the word itself is misleading, it’s simply MORE life), somehow devalues this tiny fraction of time that we get.

   Of course it might be that this is simply a staggeringly beautiful passage.

2. Rassmuss wrote:
   September 11th, 2009 at 9:18 am

   Wow. I’d never heard of the story about Carl Sagan’s widow. It’s very cool - as is your take on it and the whole fiance thing.

   I’ve poked around your blog a bit. I will continue to because you’re stuff peaks my interest.

   If you have time, take a look at my new blog. I’m hoping to get input…

   Miscellany Buffet - http://blog.spieles.com

   Thanks!

3. Michael wrote:
   September 13th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

   Wow, I never knew about it. It’s an amazing piece. And very timely as I just wrote a scene that dealt with this very subject and a conversation similar to some of the things she said. How odd. Thanks for posting this.

4. Felecia22Beard wrote:
   May 24th, 2010 at 10:14 pm

   Buildings are quite expensive and not everyone is able to buy it. However, mortgage loans was created to aid people in such kind of hard situations.

the blog and design portfolio of Jason Gurley. (Learn more.) This site has been around since 1998; me, since 1978. In 2005 I drove 3,000 miles to see a movie. 2009 is pretty aimless so far, but I'm sure I'll get around to something sooner or later.

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