Skip to main content
deeplyshallow
archiveworkaboutemail
 

Subversion in stall three

B.: So what's with all the questions? I mean: come on.

S.: What, I want to get to know you a little. Something wrong with that? Work with me here.

B.: I don't know you from Peter Finch and you want to get to know me. Yeah, something's wrong with that. I don't associate with strangers.

S.: Okay, what's your name? I'm S., okay? What's your name?

B.: What, you're going to do that introducing-yourself-so-you're-not-a-stranger thing? That's so outdated.

S.: Work with me, work with me.

B.: Why do you keep saying that?

S.: Look -- look, you want a drink? I'm going to have a drink. I need a drink.

B.: I don't drink.

S.: Well, shoot down Plan B.

B.: You were going to try to get me drunk? That was Plan B?

S.: Look, you want frankness? You want to know why I'm asking you all these questions?

B.: Yes.

S.: I'm -- I work for the government, okay? There. I said it. Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

B.: The government? Show me your badge.

S.: I don't carry a badge. It's not that kind of job.

B.: ID, then.

S.: Look, why you gotta be so difficult, lady?

B.: Leave me alone.

S.: Look, I'm a spy, okay? I'm a spy. I need information from you.

B.: This is the worst pickup attempt I've ever seen. I'm way too old for you, sonny.

S.: I'm not trying to pick you up. I'm trying to shake you down.

B.: Why, you --

S.: Look, I just want to know where your boss is going for the weekend.

B.: Why, you want to rob his house? He lives in a little apartment in Brooklyn. Not such a hot target now, is he.

S.: We have to ask him a few questions, too.

B.: Oh, it's 'we' now.

S.: Look, you see the guy in the corner over there? By the jukebox?

B.: I suppose you're going to tell me that he's your partner.

S.: He is.

B.: Right.

S.: Fine, look. You see this? I'm wearing an ear piece. You know what this does? It radioes everything that's going on at this table, okay? You say something, he hears you. I say something, he hears you. Now, he can't see me, right, cause I got my back to him. I'm holding up two fingers. See that? Okay. I'm going to ask him how many fingers I'm holding up. Okay? How many fingers am I holding up, Q.? ... Hold em up. How many fingers is Q. holding up now?

B.:

S.: So you believe me now?

B.: I ... Can I go home now?

S.: No, you can't go home. What you can do is tell us where your boss, the indubitable G., is going for the weekend.

B.: Don't hurt him.

S.: Just a few questions for him, that's all.

B.: Look, I saw that movie. I know what you guys do to people.

S.: What movie?

B.: That spy movie.

S.: Which one? Really. I love movies.

B.: That one spy movie, I don't know.

S.: Come on, which one?

B.: You're like the mob, you just kill everybody no matter what. ... Oh, my God, you're going to kill me, aren't you --

S.: Look, shut up. Shut up. Don't make me drop a cyanide pill down your throat, okay? (Censored). I mean: geez. ... You gonna be quiet?

B.: (nods)

S.: Okay. Kiss me now, so it doesn't look like I covered your mouth for some sinister purpose. ... Come on, hurry. ... Now, was that so bad? (Censored).

B.:

S.: Where's he going?

B.:

S.: Q., you want to come over here? Bring the stuff.

B.: What stuff?

S.: Q.'s got a little tool box he carries with him for sources like you.

B.: He's going to Baltimore.

S.: Hold up, Q., we're good. ... Baltimore? Why?

B.: I don't know.

S.: Q.

B.: Because he does some business there.

S: What kind of business?

B.: Look, I don't know. I'm just his secretary.

S.: And his lover.

B.: What?

S.: Guys like that, they're always bonin' their secretaries.

B.: I am not. He is not.

S.: Right, right. He a leg man? He looked like a leg man.

B.: He's a --

S.: Uh huh. Yep. Q., bring me the tape recorder.

B.: You can't tape me. No.

S.: Hey, relax. I'm going to play a little something for you.

Q.: Here you go.

S.: What're you doing over here, Q.? Get back into position.

Q.: (Censored) you.

S.: (laughs) Okay, listen to this, B.

B.: I didn't tell you my name!

S.: Right, sorry. We seem to have forgotten: I'm a spy. ... Okay, listen.

   G.: So, B., you got a hot date this weekend?

   B.: No.

   G.: Come again?

   B.: I mean, yes.

   G.: With who?

   B.: Hmmm. I don't know.

   G.: Come again?

   B.: Hmm. Okay.

   G.:

   B.:

   G.:

   B.:

   G.:

   B.: Oh, my.


S.: You get that?

B.: You're a spy.

S.: Yeah, I thought we covered that.

B.: He's buying massive supplies of drugs!

S.: Don't lie to me now.

B.: I don't really know what he's doing in Baltimore. But he's sort of an Orioles fan.

S.: It's winter.

B.: They play basketball in winter, don't they? I mean, it's indoors.

S.: ... Yeah, right. Okay. Well, thanks for your time.

B.: That's it?

S.: Yeah. We got another source to roust up.

B.: You're not going to stuff a soaked rag in my mouth and dump me in a car trunk and push it off a bridge?

S.: Nah.

B.: Well, at least seduce me.

S.: I don't drink martinis. I don't sleep with sources, either.

B.: Does Q.?

S.: ... Yeah, Q. says he's interested. He says he'll meet you in the ladies' room in two.

09:48PM | 06.14.02 | file this« previous | archive | next »