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Thirds
J.: This assembly of the Anchor Bay City Development and Planning Board will
now come to order. I, J., will serve as chairperson of today's session. P.,
what's on the agenda today?
P.: J., today we'll be hearing the case
of the City of Anchor Bay versus S.
J.: Is the defendant
present?
S.: Oh, come on, J. This isn't court. You can stop talking
like it is.
J.: Is the defendant present?
S.: I'm the
defendant, J. You know who I am.
J.: Will the defendant please rise
and be identified?
S.: (sighs)
J.: I affirm that this is
indeed S., our defendant.
P.: I concur.
B.: I third the
motion.
J.: (sighs) B., there's no need to third a motion.
B.:
I thought --
P.: When a motion is made, someone seconds it, and then
we take a vote.
B.: I thought there was a third motioner.
S.:
B., come on. I ain't got all day.
J.: P., would you present this
matter to the board? All members of the board, state your names for the
minutes.
S.: Gawd.
J.: I'll begin. I am J.
P.:
P.
B.: B.
M.: M.
O.: O.
U.: U.
J.: The
issue before us today is whether the city may authorize the formal
condemning of 15441 Dogwood Road, a property and residence belonging to S.,
our defendant. A preliminary vote, now. All in favor of authorizing the
condemnation, say 'Aye'. My vote is 'aye'.
P.: Aye.
B.:
Thirded.
M.: Aye.
O.: Aye.
U.: Aye.
S.: Hey,
hey, wait a second. Wait a --
J.: S., this is a preliminary
vote. We'll hear the evidence before making a formal decision.
S.:
Why do you need a preliminary vote?
J.: In case something happens,
like an act of God, or an assassin who jumps in here and shoots us all, the
vote is on record and action can still be taken on the case.
S.:
That's so not fair.
J.: It's city law.
S.: I'd like to make a
motion to change that law.
J.: S., look --
P.: A non-member of
the board can only make a motion if it's presented to the board in writing.
J.: Right.
S.: Oh. Well, hang on. (scribbles) Okay,
here.
J.: S., please.
P.: Actually, sir, we have to hear him
out now.
S.: I, S., move that the law about preliminary voting be
overturned.
J.: It's not a judgment or a ruling, S. It can't be
overturned.
S.: Oh. (scribbles) I , S. --
J.: Come
on.
S.: -- move that the law about preliminary voting be struck down.
That good?
P.: Yes, S.
J.: All in
favor?
P.:
B.:
M.:
O.:
U.:
J.: All
opposed? I am opposed.
P.: Aye.
B.: Thirded.
M.:
Aye.
O.: Aye.
U.: Aye.
S.: (censored).
J.:
Relax, S. It's unlikely that we'll have to use the preliminary vote. We
never have.
P.: Well, there was (whispers).
J.: Oh, right.
Well, no matter. Okay, the reprsentatives may state their case. Identify
yourselves, please.
G.: J., members of the board. I am G., mayor of
the city of Anchor Bay, population 674. For nineteen years the property
belonging to S., here, has been an eyesore to this community. In 1974 the
front roof overhang collapsed due to snow weight distributed unevenly over
code-violation renovations executed by the defendant and his father, now
deceased. In 1972, an earthquake shifted the foundation and the house is
physically leaning on its western supporting wall. No doors close properly.
All of the windows have broken on the west side of the house and have been
covered with plastic. The house is a danger to S. and to others around it.
Thank you.
J.: S.?
S.: Um, J. Members of the board. Look, I
live in this house. And I like it the way it is. And I don't have enough
money to get another home if you condemn my house. ... Thanks.
P.:
That's all?
J.: Any comments from the board?
B.: I'd like to
say that I think S. shouldn't be thrown out. And I third that.
P.:
(sighs)
J.: Okay, if there are no more comments, let's take another
vote. S., it is determined by law that this vote we are about to agree upon
be final and can only be overturned by petition to the state board of
development.
S.: (sighs) Okay.
J.: All in favor of the city's
petition, say 'Aye'. I am in favor.
P.: Aye.
B.:
Opposed.
M.: Aye.
O.: Aye.
U.: Aye.
J.: S., it
is the determination of the board that we have voted 5-1 to authorize the
official condemnation of your home. The city will repetition at such time
that it would like to authorize destruction of the offending
property.
G.: Thank you, Your Honor.
P.: G., J. isn't
--
G.: Sorry. It's habit.
S.: Well. I hope you're all happy. I
hope you all remember that I delivered furniture to your houses and I can
always take it back out.
J.: S., you should be advised that your
comments were made during the board session and have been noted in the
minutes.
S.: Oh. In that case, I didn't just say that.
J.: We
will strike the comments.
P.: I move to adjourn the
meeting.
B.: I third that.
J.: Meeting adjourned.
S.:
Oh, one more thing. I hope you all remember that I delivered furniture to
your houses and I can always take it back out.
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