 |
Santa schmooze
O.: Thank you for calling Excentric Corporation, where every day is excellent and unique. How may I direct your call?
Y.: Good afternoon.
O.: Good afternoon, sir.
Y.: This is Mr. Y. S. I'm an old friend of Mr. R.'s, and chairman elect of Selfa Ware.
O.: Yes, Mr. Y. S. What may I do for you?
Y.: I'm calling for Mr. R.
O.: I'm sorry, sir. Mr. R. is in Florida this afternoon. He's at a seminar.
Y.: That's a shame, ma'am, since I'm calling from the seminar and Mr. R. hasn't checked in yet.
O.: I --
Y.: Listen, R. and I spent four years rooming together at Yale and we started a company together before we both went our own ways, business-wise. I've got some news about the new prototypes that he's working on that he'd like to hear.
O.: Sir, I --
Y.: I promise you.
O.: ... One moment, sir. I'll see if I can locate Mr. R.
O.: Mr. R. is available after all, sir. One moment and I'll connect you.
Y.: Thank you, ma'am. Listen, you ever need a change of pace, you give me a call. I'm always looking for intelligent, on-the-ball people.
O.: Thank you, sir.
R.: This is R.
Y.: R., you old devil.
R.: I'm sorry. Who is this?
Y.: This is Y. S.
R.: Forgive me...I can't place the name.
Y.: That's alright. We've never met. Listen, your very helpful receptionist connected me to you after I spent a moment talking with her. Wonderful team you've got working for you, by the way.
R.: Uh -- thanks. Look, I --
Y.: The reason I'm calling -- I'll be brief. I'm a long-time customer of Excentric, sir.
R.: A customer.
Y.: That's correct. I've always bought your product. I like to support a company that knows where it's going and what it stands for.
R.: I, uh -- well, I appreciate that, sir, but --
Y.: I'm calling because I bought the YouNique last summer. And it's worked beautifully for me -- what a machine! -- except that two days ago the engine housing started to smoke, and then it melted all over my living room carpet.
R.: The YouNique.
Y.: Right. I wanted to call you, first of all, to let you know about the problem. So you can inform the public. And second, I wanted to give you the opportunity to take care of it for me.
R.: The YouNique.
Y.: That's right. The 2X34-A model.
R.: Janice, I -- Look, sir, I'm going to put you in touch with our complaints department --
Y.: Oh, please don't do that, Mr. R. I'm not calling to complain at all. Actually, I'm a very happy customer. I'd like to stay that way.
R.: You would.
Y.: I would indeed. Wouldn't you? And I must say, getting to speak with the president of the company about my issue -- sir, it's a customer service leap of epic proportions. Thank you so much for taking a moment out of your day to help me.
R.: I -- huh. Okay. So what can I do for you?
Y.: That's actually my question to you, sir. What can you do for me?
R.: Well...you say the engine housing melted?
Y.: Melted, sir. All over my carpet.
R.: Melted. Well, that's certainly an important issue, and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. I'll have to alert our -- our, uh, safety team.
Y.: Is it a common problem, Mr. R.?
R.: The melting?
Y.: Yes.
R.: No. This is the first time I've heard of it.
Y.: I see.
R.: Well, I appreciate you giving me this information, Mr...
Y.: Y. S.
R.: Right, Mr. Y. S. Thank you.
Y.: Sir?
R.: ... Yes?
Y.: Before you disconnect me, sir...
R.:
Y.: I still have a product of yours which doesn't work.
R.: Oh. Right. Okay. Well, tell you what: I'll put you on the line with my secretary, who will take down your address, and we'll have a new one delivered tomorrow. Compliments of me.
Y.: Sir! Thank you!
R.: You're quite welcome, Mr. S.
Y.: You have a wonderful Christmas, sir.
R.: I'm hoping to. Merry Christmas.
Y.: Well, that's one Christmas gift down. How many more to go?
M.: Um...about eighty-four.
Y.: (sighs) Well, one can never schmooze enough. What's next on the list?
M.: Black and Decker. Toaster for your grandmother.
Y.: Situation?
M.: You bought the TR-1700 toaster a month ago and it short circuited on your newly installed mahogany cabinets.
Y.: President's name?
M.: Actually, it'll be the CEO this time. Her name is W. V.
Y.: (cracks knuckles)
M.: Ready?
Y.: Ready. Dial away.
| |
