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The disaster-minded man
G.: So. The vacation.
J.: The vacation.
G.: Wasn't much of a vacation, was it. Only two days.
J.: Two days. And a night. Right.
G.: Almost not really worth it at all, was it.
J.: Oh, it was worth it.
G.: Did anything treacherous or disastrous happen?
J.: You mean like all of our other vacations?
G.: Yes.
J.: No.
G.: No?
J.: No.
G.: Nothing like: (makes crashing sound)
J.: Sorry.
G.: Or: (makes siren sound)
J.: Nope.
G.: Not even a little: (screams)
J.: An absolutely great vacation.
G.: Bummer.
J.: Not really.
G.: I mean for me.
J.: Oh. Right. Less fodder for you.
G.: What did you do?
J.: Pretty much nothing, and it was good. As someone on this trip said repeatedly, in fact: it's all good.
G.: Yuck. Someone said that?
J.: Repeatedly.
G.: So not even a: (makes whistle and explosion sound)
J.: Not even that.
G.: Well, why did you go, then?
J.: To not have a bad time.
G.: Screw you. Tell me a story. Something that will make me laugh.
J.: Okay.
G.:
J.: There's a man walking downtown and he sees a boy.
G.: A radioactive boy?
J.: No, just a boy.
G.: Oh.
J.: So anyway, the boy has a steak on his head.
G.: Someone drove a stake into his head?
J.: No. He has a steak on his head. Like a slab of raw meat.
G.: Oh.
J.: So yeah, the man says, "Hey, boy, why you got a steak on your head?"
G.: And the boy lays a smackdown on him, right?
J.: No. The boy says, "I'm not a boy. I'm a fork."
G.: I don't get it.
J.:
G.: A fork?
J.: Yes.
G.: Don't get it.
J.: I suspected as much.
G.: So not even a: (grunts, makes fist-on-flesh sounds)
J.: I'm sorry.
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