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A savvy passenger
A.: Scuse me.
B.: Yes.
A.: The time? Do you have it?
B.: Ahh. ... Twelve eighteen.
A.: Would that be AM or PM?
B.: Um. AM, of course.
A.: I have to get to the airport. I have a flight at one.
B.: Yes, well. You are at the airport. You're sitting at Gate B-11. So am I.
A.: I am? No.
B.: Yes. I insist.
A.: Oh, would you look at that.
B.: You see?
A.: I see. Thank you.
A.: Scuse me.
B.: Yes.
A.: I don't suppose you have a tissue.
B.: A what?
A.: A tissue. Like (honks nose).
B.: Ahh. A Kleenex.
A.: Right. A Klicknix.
B.: No, no. Klee-necks.
A.: Kleek-nucks.
B.: No, no. Kleenex.
A.: Kleeknocks.
B.: No. Never mind.
A.: May I have a tissue?
B.: A what? Oh.
A.: Scuse me.
B.: ... What.
A.: I have forgotten my luggage.
B.: That's too bad.
A.: May I borrow yours?
B.: I --
A.: I'm just flying to Scandinavia and back. I'll return it in June.
B.: June!
A.: June. It's only -- let me see -- four months from now.
B.: I'm sorry. I can't do that.
A.: Okay. Would you do me a favor, then?
B.: I suppose.
A.: I cannot walk good, you see. I have bum leg.
B.: Okay.
A.: Would you mind going downstairs and getting me a burrito? I will give you dollars.
B.: I --
A.: I am very starving.
B.: Fine.
A.: I will watch your things.
B.: Okay, here's your -- oh, dangit.
C.: So a hungry man stole your luggage?
B.: It appears so, yes.
C.: I'm going to have to see some ID.
B.: It's in my -- oh, shoot.
C.: It's in your baggage, isn't it.
B.: (nods)
C.: Describe the bags.
B.: Brown. Square. Handles.
C.: ... Okay, so basically every traveling human being has your luggage.
B.: What? No. No.
C.: Describe the thief, then.
B.: Um.
C.: Go on.
B.: Um. Brown. Uh -- square. Handles.
C.: (sighs)
B.: Yes. No. Right. No, I'm sorry. No, I won't be there in time. No, someone stole my luggage. Well, yes, you're supposed to stay with your luggage all the time, but -- no, I went and got him a burrito. He was gone when I got -- no, I talked to a security guard. They're combing the airport looking for him. I think he was wearing a disguise. What? I don't know. Like a toupee or something. I --
A.: Scuse me.
B.: -- I can't seem to get any answers from anybody around here. They're all a little paranoid. You know. Since September -- right. Yeah. They wanted to strip-search me, and I --
A.: Scuse me.
B.: Hang on. What?
A.: Scuse me. I have found your luggage.
B.: I'll call you back. You thief!
A.: No, your --
B.: You stole my bags.
A.: No. They just (makes finger-walking gesture).
B.: Give me my bags.
A.: Give me my burrito.
B.: I ate your burrito, you turd.
A.: Then I will eat your bags.
B.: Hey!
A.: (chews)
B.: Security!
A.: This is good.
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