 |
To the white sea
T.: Moor's Vacations.
P.: Yes, I want to take a vacation.
T.: And what do you want me to do about it?
P.: I'm sorry?
T.: (laughs) No worries, just a little joke we like to play. Ha.
P.: I see. ... I want to take a vacation.
T.: Excellent. We're the people you need to talk to. We'll put you in any room in any climate in any city in any country on any contintent in any part of the world. We'll even soon be offering lunar vacations. Ha.
P.: Right.
T.: Where do you want to go today?
P.: Uh, well, not today.
T.: Right. Another joke, sorry. Where do you want to go and when do you want to go there and how would you like to travel and what would you like to eat, drink or watch during the trip?
P.: Huh?
T.: Tell me about your plans, sir.
P.: I want to go To the White Sea.
T.: The white sea.
P.: To the White Sea.
T.: The white sea. Well, sir, I don't know that I can help you there. I can offer you a few alternatives, like, say, the Red Sea, the Dead Sea or the Med Sea.
P.: Med Sea?
T.: Mediterranean, sir. The Mediterranean.
P.: No, no. To the White Sea.
T.: The white sea. ... Sir, I'm looking at my extensive database of localities, and the white sea doesn't appear there.
P.: Look, I'm looking in a magazine right here, and it says To the White Sea.
T.: Huh. That's odd. You sure I can't interest you in, say, the Sea of Forgetfulness?
P.: What's that?
T.: Ha. Just another joke. Sorry. ... So. The white sea, huh? What magazine are you reading? I'm sure we have a copy. I'll look it up. We have a very thorough archive of travel magazines here.
P.: I...
T.: Is it Outside? Travel? Bucky Sabertooth, World Traveller?
P.: Uh...the cover says Entertainment Weekly.
T.: ... Did you say Entertainment Weekly?
P.: Yes.
T.: Sir, we...uh, we don't...look, EW isn't a travel magazine.
P.: Not EW, Entertainment Weekly.
T.: Yeah. They're the same thing. See, EW is an acronym for -- look, it's not a travel magazine. What is the story you're reading about?
P.: It says 'To the White Sea Stalls on Arrival'.
T.: Weird. Can you read the first few sentences to me?
P.: Um. Okay. 'Fans of the Coen Brothers will be disappointed to learn that To the White Sea, the highly anticipated Brad Pitt vehicle about a World War II pilot who crashes in a foreign sea and must return home, has hit a squall: budget issues. Yes, the mighty Coens have run into the almighty dollar, and have chosen to simply turn tail and run instead of fight.'
T.: Uh -- (chuckles). Uh, sir, look...I hate to break this to you, but To the White Sea is the name of a movie that's not going to be made.
P.: What? Look, I want to go To the White Sea.
T.: I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.
P.: What? Why not?
T.: Look -- sir, the (censored) white sea is (censored) gone. Dried up. It's ancient. Dinosaur days.
P.: It is?
T.: It's not been available to travellers since 1232 BC.
P.: Ohh. So. Where do I go?
T.: Sir, I'm going to refer you to another travel agent who can send you to a much more desirable location.
P.: Yes?
T.: Have you ever heard of The Salton Sea?
P.: No. Where's that?
T.: Well, let's just say it's an interesting destination. Okay, the name of your new travel agent is Val Kilmer. Do you have a pen?
P.: Okay.
T.: Okay, you're going to have to go see him in person. He doesn't have a phone.
P.: Oh. Wow.
T.: So you'll take I-5 to the Grunwald exit -- do you know where that is?
P.: Yes.
T.: Okay. Head north on Grunwald until you come to Lasita Canyon Drive. You'll head east on Lasita until you see a big sign that says Cinema.
P.: Cinema?
T.: Right, sir. You'll go to the window and simply say 'The Salton Sea' and they'll take care of you.
P.: Wow. Okay. Thanks!
T.: Tell Mr. Kilmer I referred you, and he'll cut you a deal.
P.: Woo hoo!
| |
