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Mr. Shankle's day
S.: (yawns)
P.: Mmph. Stop moving. Yargh.
S.: ... Sorry.
P.: Go to work already. Phmpp.
R.: Mornin, Shanksy. Same as usual?
S.: A little less sugar this morning, please.
R.: One of those days. I know those days.
S.: I'm just tired.
R.: Everyone's tired today. See? Halfa New York's draggin like a teenager on test day.
S.: I like being tired sometimes.
R.: Yeah, so does every other New Yorker, or I'd be makin a bundle on heavily sugared coffees.
S.: It gives me an excuse not to talk to anybody.
R.: Wish I could not talk to anybody. ... But hey, it's my job. Gotta do it. ... Cept for you, you know. I like talking to you.
S.: Thanks, R.
R.: Tomorrow?
S.: Tomorrow.
R.: I'll get the sugar right tomorrow!
S.: Hi. Yeah, I'm calling for T. Right. No, I'm S. from Kerchanker Corp. Right. No, he's not. Well -- no, actually, it's not. No. No. Fine. Fine, I'll leave a message.
G.: S., hey.
S.: Morning.
G.: You got a minute? H. wants to see you downstairs.
S.: When are we gonna get an elevator installed?
G.: Oh, gee, wait -- I forgot it was something easy. I'll try to have that done before your meeting's over. ... I told you, never.
S.: You know, with my hip and all, I could file a suit citing workplace inaccessibility.
G.: You know H.'d just move you downstairs faster than you could sign the paperwork. Besides, after the meeting you probably won't have any worries about that anymore.
S.: ... Why?
G.: Good luck.
S.: (censored) you.
S.: Good morning, Mr. H.
H.: S. How are you?
S.: Worried.
H.: (laughs) Hey, listen, m'boy. No reason to be worried. We're all very proud of the work you do here.
S.: Yes?
H.: Absolutely. That's not a worry at all. You should feel secure in the knowledge that you've done your best. You ... just won't be doing it any more. For us, at least.
S.: You're firing me?
H.: Layoffs, S. Economy took a hit, you know.
S.: Yeah, nine months ago! It's recovered now.
H.: Ahh -- well, the average layperson might think so.
S.: I'm not an average lay.
H.: (snorts)
S.: Wait, I didn't mean to say that like that.
H.: Anyway, you've got until the end of the day to clear up and head out. Take a vacation. The severance pay is more than generous, I think you'll agree.
S.: Is this about the elevator?
H.: We don't have an elevator.
S.: Right. You know, with my hip and all, I could bring a suit against you for workplace inaccessibility.
H.: Is that so?
S.: You fired me so you wouldn't have to listen to me complain anymore.
H.: That's not the reason we --
S.: So? Your word against mine. You're the big evil CEO and I'm the grunt worker. Juries are full of grunt workers, not executives.
H.: No lawyer would sue over something like that.
S.: So then I said, look, I can bring a suit against you.
E.: You said that? For what?
S.: 'Workplace inaccessibility'.
E.: There's no such thing.
S.: Sure there is. Handicapped people get ramps everywhere. I'm partially disabled -- got the medical paperwork to prove it, too -- and they make me climb stairs.
E.: So?
S.: So you want the case?
E.: You're kidding, right?
S.: No. They fired me so I would stop yapping. Let's hit em hard.
E.: S., look.
S.: Come on.
E.: No. It'll never get in front of a jury.
S.: So you're going to leave me hanging?
E.: Your hip isn't even that bad, S.
U.: The usual trim?
S.: Yes, please.
U.: You look a little ... under the weather, Mr. S.
S.: Yes.
U.: Care to share?
S.: Not today, U.
U.: Things can only get better, you know.
S.: That's what my teacher told me in fourth grade when Tommy Q punched me and broke my nose.
U.: See? Things get better.
S.: No. They don't.
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