 |
True love in New York City on top of the Empire State Building at midnight
D.: Ladies and gentlemen, if I might have your attention for a moment. ... Thank you. The rooftop level of the Empire State Building will be closing in ten minutes.
B.: Did he say ten minutes?
G.: Think he did, yep.
B.: The line for the telescope thingies is, like, forty minutes long!
G.: There's only eight people in front of us.
B.: Yeah, but did you see the sign?
G.: What sign?
B.: That sign. The one that says fifty cents gets you five minutes.
G.: I can't read it. It's too far.
B.: Well, that's what it says. So if there's eight people in front of us at five minutes a pop, that's --
G.: Forty minutes.
B.: Right.
G.: So?
B.: So the doorman guy just called out that we have ten minutes, not forty.
G.: So suggest everyone limit their viewing to a minute so we all get a chance.
B.: Good idea. ... Excuse me. Yeah, you guys. In front of us. Listen, you wouldn't be willing to just take a minute on the telescope thingies instead of five, would you? So we can all go? ... Oh.
G.: Oh well.
B.: People are so (censored) rude these days.
G.: Maybe they think you're rude for asking them to give up what they paid for.
B.: You suggested it!
G.: I didn't say I didn't. I just didn't say it wasn't rude.
B.: Crap.
G.: I have another idea.
B.: I don't want to hear it.
G.: But it's a great one!
B.: I don't care.
G.: Fine.
B.:
G.: You'll just have to deal with the fact that this is your last night in New York City and eight people who will probably be able to come back tomorrow are hogging all of your telescope time.
B.:
G.:
B.: (sigh) What's your idea?
G.: Okay. First I go into the elevator on the left and go down to the lobby. Then I sneak out the front doors --
B.: What?
G.: Work with me, come on.
B.: This sounds lame already.
G.: Listen!
B.:
G.: Then I sneak out the front doors and take off my jacket so I look different and come back in and come back up a different elevator. Okay?
B.: What good does that good?
G.: Listen! While I'm coming up again, you tell the elevator guy who's up here that you're waiting for your true love to meet you at the top of the Empire State Building at -- what time does it close?
B.: In ten minutes. Stupid.
G.: Okay, so you're waiting for your true love to meet you at the top of the Empire State Building at, like, midnight.
B.: That's stupid. Why would the elevator guy care?
G.: Because. Elevator guys on the Empire State Building in the movies when people are waiting for their true loves to meet them at midnight always are nice and let the people hang out for a few more minutes until their lover shows up to make their day special after all.
B.: And you think that in this post-9/11 climate a New York City Empire State Building elevator man won't think that the lover-in-wait is maybe just a terrorist with a bomb strapped to their ankle waiting to blow up the building at midnght and create a big scene?
G.: They won't think that.
B.: How do you know?
G.:
B.:
G.: They have metal detectors downstairs.
B.: Okay, more problems: what if you go downstairs and outside just as they lock the doors and you're stuck outside?
G.: Um. ... Well, wait, it doesn't matter. You'll still be up here, able to look through the telescope. See, you take advantage of the extra time the lovesick doorman gives you and look through the telescope for a few minutes while I'm on my way up.
B.: Or stuck outside.
G.: Or stuck outside, right.
B.: Fine.
G.: Yeah?
B.: Fine. Do it.
G.: Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes. You have fifty cents?
B.: Yes.
G.: I'll be back...
G.: Oh, thank you, Mr. Door Man! That's her! That's her! She really was waiting for me on top of the Empire State Building in New York City at midnight on this special, special day! Oh, thank you, thank --
B.: Shut up and get in the stupid elevator.
D.: Going down.
G.: What's your problem?
B.: Shut up.
G.: Didn't you get to look through the telescope?
B.: I said shut up.
G.:
B.:
G.: You didn't get to look through the telescope, did you.
B.:Stupid thing shut off exactly at midnight, just when the last brat finished.
G.: Oh.
B.:
G.: How come I didn't think about that?
B.: Because you're a moron.
D.: (aside) My, my. True love in New York City on top of the Empire State Building at midnight sure has changed since my day. (winks)
| |
